Tag Archives: Trauma

Survive Another Day

About Lyrics, , , ,

Stay was written by piecing together bits of lyrics that have come to me and then kinda filling in the blanks. I started with the first 2 lines of the Chorus and then went back over my notes to see what else I had come up with the that talked about demons or darkness or evil, then I edited them to make it fit.

But then I wanted it to mean more than just being about Hell. I thought about why so many little bits of lyrics I write talk about darkness. It’s a depression thing.

So I edited the lyrics so that it’s like the demons and darkness are like my depression wanting me to take my own life, that’s the fight going on between the light and the dark, and all that talk of going to Hell is really just me going to a Psychiatric Facility to get help.

None of this really happened, but I really like the line ‘Whoever wins you both must stay’ because it’s like saying even if you survive this fight, there’s always tomorrow’s. With depression, every day is a fight, every day is like living in Hell.

I hope you survive today’s fight.

Love
Roxanne

I Will Not Forget

A Little Piece Of Me, About Lyrics, , , , , , ,

Paint The Walls was written after the one year anniversary of a day I’ll never forget. The Lindt Cafe siege in Sydney. I was at work about 5 metres away when it started.

I’ve written other lyrics in the months following that day but they were more emotional and I wanted to write something now that a bit more time has passed. Something less about what I felt and more about what happened after.

The amount of people that stopped by afterwards, not to pay their respects, but to take a selfie in front of the building was disgusting. One family tried to get in and see the inside. It was still a crime scene and these parents wanted to take their young children in to see where 2 innocent lives were lost.

And don’t get me started about the media. You should have seen the amount of cameras there were the day of the grand reopening.

I still get angry when I think about the days following 15/12/14. But not everyone was so disrespectful. There were so many flowers that they had to keep finding new places where people could put them.

I used to think about that day everyday. Working so close didn’t really help. I can’t imagine what it’s like for those working in Lindt that day that still work there. But lately I’ve found that I’m thinking about it less and less.

I don’t want to forget about it. I don’t want to forget the lives that were lost and the lives that were changed forever. I feel that if I stop thinking about that day then those lives will be forgotten, like they didn’t mean anything. Like their tragic deaths didn’t mean anything. That would make the events of those 17 hours even more tragic.

I don’t want to forget. I will not forget.

Love
Roxanne

Paint The Walls

Lyrics, , , , , ,

The bar wasn’t opened but I needed a drink
So much had happened I could hardly think
I was barely through the door when I was embraced
Back then not even I knew the things I faced
Defined by a day buried deep in my head
Old tears weren’t drying before new ones were shed
We saw not only the flowers and kind words
There were cameras rolling they came in herds

With the threat of a bomb hanging over your head
Walking down the street like it’s dawn of the dead
How does it feel to know that while others bled
You were at home dreaming safely in bed
With the threat of a bomb hanging over your head
Walking down the street like it’s dawn of the dead
When he stayed up late to paint the walls red
You were at home dreaming safely in bed

I witnessed the worst of human reactions
Like it was just another tourist distraction
People had questions and things to be said
But I had the answers programmed in my head
Daily reminders reawaken my fear
Those from the past always present and near
One day I’ll move forward next I’ll fall behind
And some days I hoped I’d never be fine

With the threat of a bomb hanging over your head
Walking down the street like it’s dawn of the dead
How does it feel to know that while others bled
You were at home dreaming safely in bed
With the threat of a bomb hanging over your head
Walking down the street like it’s dawn of the dead
When he stayed up late to paint the walls red
You were at home dreaming safely in bed

(He stayed up late to paint the walls red)
And gave my voice a story to tell
(He stayed up late to paint the walls red)
And every night more tears fell
(He stayed up late to paint the walls red)
Can you hear the sound of the church bells
(He stayed up late to paint the walls red)
And gave my voice a story to tell

With the threat of a bomb hanging over your head
Walking down the street like it’s dawn of the dead
How does it feel to know that while others bled
You were at home dreaming safely in bed
With the threat of a bomb hanging over your head
Walking down the street like it’s dawn of the dead
When he stayed up late to paint the walls red
You were at home dreaming safely in bed

Love
Roxanne

This Was Real Life

About Lyrics, , , ,

I wrote I Am Not Ok because a while ago, I went through something and people still ask questions about it. Like in-depth questions and I just don’t want to talk about it. I mean I’ll give a brief over view of the event but when it comes to the why’s and the how’s, those type of things take me back to that day.

I’m not traumatised by it, at least I don’t think I am, but I don’t want to have to relive it just because some people get a thrill out of hearing drama.

This was not a movie or a TV show. This was real life, it happened to me and some other people and we deserve the right to move on and live our lives without that being the most interesting thing about us.

If you find out something happened to someone you know, please wait for them to bring it up. Even if it was months ago, or years, they may not feel like answering your invasive questions.

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, I’m just really annoyed at a select few people who wanted detailed play by plays of what went down. One was while I was getting my blood pressure tested. Do you know how hard it is to try and keep your heart rate down while talking about a pretty stressful day?

Love
Roxanne

I Am Not OK

Lyrics, , , , , , ,

The past is closing in
It’s from his gun I hide
From the blood and the screams
I’m still hiding inside
The memory of him
Walks the halls like a ghost
When will the terror end
He wasn’t a good host

I don’t wanna hear
Your fake sympathy
Are you enjoying this
There’s nothing to see
I don’t want you here
So just go away
Cause how am I doing
I am not ok

I tried to move on
You kept pulling me back
To bomb threats and violence
And those panic attacks
That day was in the past
The chaos in order
Won’t you let me forget
The cafe of slaughter

I don’t wanna hear
Your fake sympathy
Are you enjoying this
There’s nothing to see
I don’t want you here
So just go away
Cause how am I doing
I am not ok

I wish for silence
Don’t let them see
Fight back the tears
Just let me be
No please don’t ask
You don’t wanna know
I can’t fight the tears
I just let them go

I don’t wanna hear
Your fake sympathy
Are you enjoying this
There’s nothing to see
I don’t want you here
So just go away
Cause how am I doing
I am not ok

Love
Roxanne

Don’t Be That Crazy Person On The Train

About Lyrics, ,

I Can Breathe Again is about going through something and the way it can affect you. Like having nightmares or panic attacks or any of the other millions of way you could be effected and you just want to get passed it all. To come out the other side and live your life again.

I went through something not too long ago and for a while I didn’t think I would ever get to that stage. But now I think I’m there and it feels good. It’s not always there in the back of my mind and I’ve been able to get on with my life.

One way to help get through something that could be considered traumatic is to talk about it. It doesn’t have to be with a therapist, but that would help too, but just with anyone. It’ll help you to process it rather just letting yourself dwell on it.

Of course, by anyone I don’t mean strangers you meet on a train. Don’t be that person. I mean someone you care about, someone who’s there to support you.

If there is one piece of advice you take from this, please let it be this. No one can tell you how you feel, and you are allowed to feel what ever it is you feel, regardless of your involvement in the traumatic event.

I feel like every time I talk about what my lyrics mean, it comes out sounding like a life lesson. I swear guys, I have fun too. I’m not just always teaching people lessons.

Love
Roxanne

Ripped Away

About Lyrics,

Every Breath is about a guy who was face to face with a man with a gun. The lyrics go on to say that he escapes and decides to live his life better. To settle down, get married and have kids or to travel the world. He wasn’t going to live the same as it was before. He wanted to live his life like it was one worth living. But then, in the end he didn’t survive his meeting with the man with the gun. The life and the choices he could have made, was ripped away from him with one unfortunate encounter with this gunman.

This one was also written after the situation I wrote about in I’m Still There which is  about It’s All Quiet Now. It makes reference to one of the hostages experience but it’s not directly about them. The people who died in this situation had their lives taken from them. They had all these things going for them and the things they might have achieved after all this, might have been great. Those who survived now have the chance to choose to use this unfortunate tragedy as motivation, make them start truly living, because they must have lived for a reason.

This thing that happened to me, though not directly, has been on my mind a lot lately because I’ve just started back at work for the year and I have to see the site every day. I still have people asking me about that day and people taking photos outside my work everyday. Writing about it has helped organise my thoughts and feelings. So if you ever have anything that you can’t deal with you should try writing about it. Even if you can’t write lyrics or poems, just writing about what happened or how you feel about it might help you.

If you feel like you have no one to talk to, although I’m sure you do, you can talk to me. I may not have been through what you have but I’ll always listen.

Love
Roxanne

I’m Still There

About Lyrics,

It’s All Quiet Now is about something that happened to me recently. Well, more like happened adjacent to me. There was a hostage situation in the building I work in. I work on the ground floor and it happened in the cafe across the hall. I wasn’t technically a hostage, although I and the people I was with, couldn’t get out for a few hours. I could see the hostages and there wasn’t much than a bit of glass between me and a man with a gun.

This song is about how, although I escaped, I never really left. I can picture the events of that day like it just happened and it doesn’t exactly help that I still have to work in that building everyday. I made it out and life appears normal and quiet but it will never be the same. While the world moves on, I’m still there. Trying to get out.

Love
Roxanne